I made an error of epic proportions last week in my blog about Brian’s bribe. Well, maybe epic is an overstatement. I made an error still and must post this retraction.
I said last week that Brian’s previous attempts at hooking me up with a lady were less than stellar. I talked about one cool chick that I was really into who would later turn off the faucet for no reason and actually went a little loopy while doing it and another gal that pretty much threw herself at me but wasn’t somewhere I really ended up wanting to go. Those two stories about those girls are indeed accurate. However, Brian’s role in them wasn’t quite what I made it out to be.
The gal that threw herself at me asked Brian for an intro and notification of interest. I knew that there was a potential for interest on my part and that there was one for non-interest as well. I went out with her and had a decent enough time. When I got a call from Brian that he had wrapped up a show and wanted to take her to another bar/pub to meet up with him, she insisted I go without. Then she undid all cool points she scored by whining about me choosing him over her.
First off, she insisted I go without her. So, she asked for it. Secondly (and I say this at the risk of sounding gay) no chick will ever be able to compete with Brian. I did that before and when she left me, Brian was right there to help me pick up the pieces. We’ve been through thick and thin together and have a bond that I sometimes consider stronger than the ones I share with my brothers. I’ll happily include a romantic interest in my time with Brian, as I did this past weekend. But know better than to place one on a higher level than my brother from another mother.
The faucet gal threw me for a loop. I met her at a show Brian was doing. She is the daughter of one of his colleagues. She struck me as really cool and my type of gal when we first met. We went to a ballgame the next day with Brian and his housemate and had a blast. I got all indication from her that she was really into me. Later that night we actually took the police bike out for a scoot around Cincy and the indicators kept getting stronger and stronger.
I finally took her back home and made no attempt to close the deal. I dug hanging out with this girl and didn’t want to her to think I was after another notch in her belt. I offered up a kiss on the cheek and went on my way.
We exchanged texts and spoke on the phone for the next couple of weeks. I wanted to hang with her again and invited her to ride with me before going to one of Brian’s shows. She was down.
Then I got a text from her that she may have something to do and wasn’t sure if she could make it. I asked her to tell me by a certain time so I could make other plans if she wasn’t going to go. She informed me at the predetermined deadline that she wasn’t going to be able to make it, but didn’t make it seem like she was busy with something else.
After a short conversation, I ascertained that she got the impression I wanted to tie myself down to one gal and she was my target. I don’t know what I did to give her that impression, but that wasn’t the case at all. I musta done something to make her feel that what, because she felt so strongly about it that she kinda went a little loopy and brought a third party into the deal.
She was cool and I still wanted to hang with her from time to time, even if it was as just drinking buddies, so I let it go. Pushing the issue any further would’ve made the whole deal weird and just plain not fun. I don’t like weird and not fun, so I didn’t contact her for weeks, nay months.
Enough about those two girls, this is really about Brian and what makes a good wingman.
I failed to mention two incidents where Brian steered a gal my way that ended up in a positive. One mutual friend took his advice and hung out with me. We developed a trist lasting for a couple of months that was a source of great pleasure for me. Another mutual friend that hung out with Brian and I has become somewhat of a student of my life philosophy. I draw great pleasure from this knowing that someone looks to me the way this friend does.
So far, he’s batting .500! In these successful attempts he just planted the seed and I took it from there. Then there’s the times that he outright sold the target on me and I just reaped the rewards of his hard work.
One story I’ll share is about an event that transpired when I went to Indianapolis to see Brian play with G Miles & The Hitmen at the Slippery Noodle.
It didn’t take long for me to get into the zone and I began working the crowd making new friends and having a good old time.
There were several encounters with hotness, but the one that I wanted to pursue was with a group of five, four girls and one guy. There was this smoking hot blonde that was throwing all kinds of indicators my way. At first it started out with body language and then downright openly flirting with me.
The band took a break between sets and Brian wanted to introduce me to some new friends he had made. Here’s where he started being a wingman. A wingman doesn’t jump on the grenade; he builds social proof for his wing.
And that’s exactly what happened next. When someone in the band comes down and seeks me out, my social value goes through the roof, especially at a crowded place and with a rockin’ band! Then he drug me away to meet a group of girls, further increasing my social value to the blonde. Not only am I cool guy to her but to the band and people that want to meet the band.
Brian and I chatted up these two new girls for a few minutes. He said that they were going to go hang with us back at the band house after the show. The pair included a moderately cute autumn haired teacher with a rack that would stop traffic and a rather big girl that could probably have stopped cars with her bare hands.
I got the feeling I was being fat-friended. I built up Brian a little bit and left after a few minutes to go back to my new blonde friend. I love Brian and all, but I have the chance to score this smokin’ blonde or entertain the teacher’s fat friend… Well, you know what I’d do.
So, now I’m back at the table with the blonde and her friends and she really starts pouring it on. She’s buying me drinks and doing her best to situate herself near me. It was like a little dance.
And then, Brian put himself in a wingman class that few will ever be able to top. The band stopped playing and he took the mic to point out a very special guest in the house, me. It was a move that would later come back to haunt him.
“Everybody, there’s a very special friend of mine here all the way from Chillicothe, Ohio to hear me play tonight. Please treat him well. His name is Mike Newbern. Where are you at Mike? Everybody give Mike a round of applause!”
It wasn’t very long after that surprise before the blonde was asking me to another bar.
“We’re going to so-and-so bar. Come with us! It will be fun!” she practically begged.
“Oh honey, I’m not sure if I should. I’m here to hang out with my boy,” I replied.
“You’re going to a bar with four girls! I’m sure he’ll understand,” she delicately whispered in my ear as she touched my leg.
“Yes, he would!” I replied. “I’ll just go pay my bar tab and meet you guys at the front door.”
Now, this is where I failed. I was hellbent on paying the bartab. The bar was three deep and I couldn’t get in close to save my life. I shoulda just given Brian some loot and left with the girls. Instead, I stood in line for what seemed like hours trying to get paid up. By the time, I was done they were nowhere to be found.
Worse yet, I could not remember the name of said bar they were going to.
The band was taking another break and I began relaying the story to Brian as we walked back over to teacher and the fat friend. He berated me for not knowing the name of the bar. I wasn’t worried. There were plenty of other fish in that pond.
We chatted with teacher and fat friend for a while until Brian had to go back onstage. Right after he left, teacher turned up the heat on me. Now, I was really confused. Was Brian winging me with teacher and gonna entertain the fat friend back at the band house.
Now, I know what you’re thinking right now. “But Mike, you said that a wingman doesn’t have to jump on the grenade. You said that a wingman’s job is to build up his wing!”
Yes, but sometimes the wingman does have to divert the obstacle’s attention so his wing can focus on the target.
The band started playing and teacher was all over me. Now, she’s my Plan B. Looks like I’m still on track to have a good night!
She kept saying how cool and personable I was. I called her out on those statements and asked why she would be surprised. “Well, when Brian said you were a nuclear scientist, I thought you would be some social idiot who couldn’t carry on a conversation with an average person,” she said with a smile on her face.
“Wait a minute. Brian told you I was a nuclear scientist?”
“Yeah that’s what he said.”
Now, a wingman’s job is to build up his wing. But I never would’ve anticipated he would build me up as a nuclear scientist. It’s kind of a stretch of the truth. I work in nuclear in an engineering role, but a scientist I am not.
The deal was sealed. This teacher wanted me all for herself and every other guy there was non-existent by this point. All we had to do was work out logistics.
The two girls went back to the band house with us and we hung out for a while drinking and snacking. When Brian passed out face first in the toilet, party was over. Teacher and I retired for a lesson in…
Sorry guys, this isn’t a dude harlequin romance piece!
The next morning we woke to a very pissed off Brian. As it turns out, the teacher was Brian’s intended slump buster. In his efforts to build me up so I could reciprocate the social proof he actually turned the teacher on to me.
I didn’t know he was working her for himself. When she turned on to me, I took it as the rewards of Brian’s efforts on my behalf. He didn’t know it, but he was the perfect wingman that night!
Of course a wingman is also good for helping close deals lasting more than a night. Just this past weekend, Brian was the perfect wing on a potential regular hang. We hung out together with a new friend in tow. She saw just how cool my friends really are and how much fun she would have spending time with us.
That’s a true wingman. No, that’s the wingman of the century!
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